A letter to my ex-best friend
Sometimes I sit and wonder what you’re up to these days. Who you’re laughing with, what TV shows you’re binge watching, what song you’ve got on repeat or your latest food obsession. I wonder if you’re still the same, if you joke around and take the piss like you used to. If you still like horror films, if you’re still insanely organised, if you still do the silent treatment when you’re in a grump.
I think back to our friendship and think of the times we obsessed over boys, watched Stormbreaker on repeat (hello Alex Pettyfer) and listened to Jesse McCartney on my pink MP3 player in maths (sneakily, of course – threading an earphone up our sleeves!) We ate lots of pizza and chocolate and jacket potatoes with cheese and beans. We partied, we danced, we had sleepovers. You would encourage me to drink that horrible liquid gold stuff that cut your throat (hey, we were students on a budget…)
We raced to the cinema for every Step Up and Fast and Furious film (sigh, Paul Walker). I would be your hair stylist for nights out; curling your hair until my arms felt like they were going to fall off, whilst chugging down sickly sweet VKs. I would take my digital camera out with us and we’d fill it with silly posed photos – a snapshot of our carefree teenage years. We were both ‘the quiet ones’ to everyone else, but there was never a silent moment when we were together. We would even sit on the phone for hours watching the same TV programme, just so we could dissect it together (our poor parents’ phone bills!!)
Bonjour Madame tee from Primark | Hollister jeans | Adidas campus trainers
Whilst we had our similarities, we were different in a lot of ways. You wore liquid eyeliner, I wore pencil. You liked horrors, I’d be hiding behind the sofa with my headphones on. You loved rollercoasters, I would be offering to hold the bags and spectate. Or screaming ‘we’re all going to die!’ if you’d actually managed to bribe me to go on to a ride. You were organised and always on time…I had one file for everything, a messy desktop, and it was a miracle if I was only five minutes late.
It’s funny looking back on friendships. I wonder what we would be like now. Would we get along? Are we too different? Have we changed as people? I look back on our years and always feel a mixture of emotions. I smile, feeling grateful for the memories we made. I feel frustrated that we fizzled out, that we drifted. Were we too different, in the end? Sometimes I blame you, sometimes I blame me. Sometimes, I blame being an adult. I’ve become that person who is awful at communication, at remembering things, at keeping in touch or reaching out, not just with you but my other friends too. ‘Life’ always seems to get in the way.
At the end of the day, what we had was awesome. And I’ll always look back on that and be grateful that I had a friend like you to navigate the rocky teenage years with. Someone like you to laugh with, to drink those awful alcopops with, to cry with and to get sunburnt with (pale gals for life).